Current Mood: Happy

Earth Angel ¹

I guess my siblings and I were raised as somewhat unusal Protestants, in that we were raised with a belief in Guardian Angels.

To ward off the “boogie man” - and assorted other beasties that stalk children at night - our mother used to draw a picture of our “Guardian Angel” and tape it to the wall beside our bed at night. “See? there’s a picture of your guardian angel. Nothing is going to happen to you while she’s looking over you.” Many, many nights I’d fall asleep looking at that picture. When I became a mother, I used to do the same with my daughter.

When mom got lung cancer, and all her electrolytes went out of balance, she’d be talking out of her head, and she used to be afraid to fall asleep. So to help her, I drew a picture of her guardian angel too, and posted it by her bed at the hospital. It helped her, too.

In her last year she used to talk about her Guardian Angel, a lot. She said his name was “Sing” - well, it wasn’t really his name, that was just the name he gave her because humans couldn’t pronounce his name. She used to tell us all about the conversations she had with Sing, all the while, dad shaking his head behind his paper. We all just humored her, our mom had always been “weird” - this was just yet another way for our mother to express her weirdness. If it brought her peace - why not?

Recently I had an opportunity to go over her medical records. Our brother decided to file suit with the State of Florida with the Engle Trust Fund, against the tobacco companies, and I had to search through them to find references to her smoking before 1996. I found something very interesting in those records.

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A Simple Prayer

I remember mom having this in the living room. I’ve always loved it; wondered who ended up with it, and Jeanne had it. But Meanie Jeanne wouldn’t give it to me! (I can say that cuz she reads my blog, heh)

BUT

Apparently, mom had TWO, and my younger sister Mary got the other one. She likes it too, but not as much as I do, so Sweet Mary gave me hers. Yay for Mary!

It’s just a little wooden book (best way to describe it, even though there are no pages), with a depiction of St. Francis on one side, and “A Simple Prayer” on the other.

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace
Where there is hatred… let me sow love.
Where there is injury… pardon.
Where there is doubt… faith.
Where there is despair… hope.
Where there is sadness… joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled,… as to console;
To be understood… as to understand;
To be loved…… as to love

For
It is in giving…. that we receive
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned
It is in dying… that we are born to eternal life.

St. Francis

well I am officially *registered* to begin the RCIA (Roman Catholic Initiation of Adults) - they’re the classes I have to go through to become Catholic. They’ll start at the end of the month. I’m really happy to be doing this, on so many levels, and I’m so looking forward to the classes.

I know some of you might think I’m doing this for “Larry”, but I’m really not. I am, however, very thankful for his guidance. It feels like he showed up like an old childhood friend when I was really lost, grabbed my hand, and said “Hey! You’re going the wrong way! Let’s go back this way.” His charity, kindness, and his love of Christ and of the Church have been very inspirational to me, and I’ll always be grateful to him for that.

Besides, I hardly ever talk with him anymore - he’s always so busy with his work. I have, however, been doing a lot of praying on my own, a lot of meditating, and a lot of reading. I still watch mass every night, and I’ve learned a lot - about faith, about myself, and about life in general. And I’ve come to some decisions.

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Knock-knock

Who’s there?

Jesus.

Jesus who?

(more cat pictures)

Yesterday was a bad day to be a mom.

You see, my daughter was SUPPOSED to graduate from FSU. She actually finished college a couple of months ago, but FSU has two summer sessions, and only one summer graduation. So even though she’s done with classes, has a J.O.B. even, she hadn’t done “the walk.”

She never really wanted to walk in the first place; but I really wanted her to. Consider it selfish, but yeah, I sacrificed a lot to help get her through college, and I wanted to see her in her cap and gown and get her diploma. So we made a deal; I would give her an extra month of allowance, would pay for the gown rental, buy her a new dress, pay for a new haircut, and she would walk the walk.

I was SO looking forward to it, too. I even bought myself a new dress. And it was to be a family celebration as well, her dad was going to take us all out for a nice lunch, after.

But something happened, and I got a phone call at 6:30 yesterday morning, and it was her,telling me she wasn’t going to walk.
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I am a woman of ritual.

I get up every morning at 5 a.m., get my coffee, light my candles, and (after I delete all my spam mail) - log onto news.yahoo.com to see what’s going on in the world. When I go to work, I make sure to scoop my paper out of the yard so I can read it during my lunch. After work & gym? It’s my private time with Wolf Blitzer and Katie Couric. Yup. I’m a news whore.

I used to have a newsletter that I sent out called “The Gospel According to Janet,” that held news articles that I found interesting. Most of the time it was religious-oriented, sometimes not, sometimes just stupid shit that made me giggle or cry or wonder about. I kinda miss sending that out, but I don’t miss the work that went into it.

Quite often I’ll run across something that I wish I could share with everyone, though, so I’ve set up another section on my blog called “News of Note”  - there it is, right there on the left. All those articles will be hand picked by me; it won’t be just a news feed, where it’s hit or miss whether the topic is relevant or interesting.  So if you’re bored with what I have to say, you can go read the news!

I have an unexpected day off today, so I am taking the time to do a bit of housecleaning and ironing. My daughter is graduating from F.S.U. tomorrow (praise Jesus) - so I am one proud, happy momma.

I hope everyone has a blessed weekend!

Current Mood: Happy

One of my nurse co-workers is going to India and Nepal in October for two weeks, on a medical missionary trip. I’m so jealous I could just spit my teeth out.

As I typed that I had to laugh at myself - yes, I really am jealous of someone who will be living in a tin hut, freezing her patootie off, and working 12 - 16 hours a day during her vacation. And paying $2,500 to do it, too!

It seems that there is a common misconception amongst (some) pagans that All Christians Are Alike, All Christians Are Judgemental Assholes, that they really aren’t sincere in their beliefs, are sheeplike in their mentality, the list goes on and on. I guess if Christians are pigeonholed and stereotyped, it’s just easier to maintain a prejudice against them. Works with any group of people, I guess.

It’s always amusing when those stereotypes get blown out of the water and people have to face the truth: that well, yes, SOME Christians actually DO live their beliefs, we AREN’T just all mindless followers, and that in fact - we actually, really do acts of kindness. Such was the case recently, when a pagan friend of mine on LiveJournal recounted accidently witnessing a Christian co-worker giving his lunch away to a homeless person, and how that affected him.

I gotta tell you folks - Christians do that sort of thing ALL THE TIME. We just don’t go around making it public; to do so would be to lessen the gift of charity. It would be pridefull to brag about being charitable.

And really and truly? It’s one of the many things that brought me back home to Christianity.

Lemme give you a couple of “for instances.”

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Sometimes I get some very rude comments on my blog. Most of the time, I just delete them - I don’t need the negativity. I do find it interesting that nine times out of ten, they come from someone claiming to be a pagan.

Such was the case in my last blog entry. Here it is, with my response. It’s just too good to let it hide under comments.

Robyn writes:

This site is wonderful! You seem like a very nice sort…and you illustrate a thought I’ve had for a long time. That Witchcraft should be made illegal, so that the Playgans will go back to Christianity and it will drive the serious ones underground. I have come to think that this neo Wiccan stuff is just Christianity with multiple deities, and it looks like it… you can switch back and forth with ease.
May you have luck on your chosen path, whichever one it is!

My response:

lol - well, Robyn, I can honestly say that it’s been a long time since I’ve received such an interesting backhand compliment. I’m afraid you’ve erred in a few of your assumptions, however; please allow me to correct you.

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Everyone has one, and they all stink.

Except Stephen Colbert’s, of course. Here he is recently, talking about the schism in the Anglican Church:

Nods to the Creative Minority Report for this link!

I’ve been following the story of Bishop Gene since he was first ordained as a bishop - in kind of a detached, curious kinda  way. I’m amused by the fact that the biggest problem seems to be that he is openly gay. Every church has gay ministers and priests of course - they just don’t talk about it.

I wish I could figure out why being open about being gay, makes it so bad. It seems to me that so many people are good at pointing and judging; the whole “log in your neighbor’s eye” thing. I guess we are all just humans after all.

Do I think gays should be priests, ministers, bishops?

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Current Mood: Happy

One of the sweetest sounds I’ll ever hear, is the sound of one of my “little old lady” patients,whom I love dearly, singing Gospel songs in the hallway at work.

She knows “Amazing Grace” is my favorite, so everytime she sees me, she starts singing it. Her CNA said to me - “She must be planning on going home soon, she’s been singing all day.” “Going home” is a southern euphemism for dying, and going to heaven. I told her, I couldn’t think of a better way to go home, than to go home singing.

This afternoon, as she was singing “Amazing Grace,” one more time, another “little old lady” came out of her room, and started singing it with her. It truly, brought tears to my eyes.

Edwin, one of our transport guys who’s really a preacher man - and whom has some idea of the struggles I’ve gone through, was walking through the hall, and caught it all.

“You know they’re carrying that tune for you.”

I nodded. Yes. I knew. And promptly fled to the bathroom so I wouldn’t be caught bawling at the desk.

Amazing Grace, indeed.

I haven’t been very posty of late, and dunno why that is, other than the fact I’m just plum worn out and HURTING. This arthritis is flaring up on me again, so I’m going to take the celebrex twice a day for a bit (like I’m supposed to) and see if that helps. I did see the ortho this week, and got the good news that I don’t need surgery! woohoo!

My daughter is officially finished with college, and has a job now. She was cute - called me last night, really likes her job - but reaaaaally has marriage/baby on her mind. All her friends on facebook are getting married, having babies, blah blah. She called her friend (who has gotten married, had a baby, and gotten a divorced already) and said “Tell me why I don’t want to get married and have a baby yet.” “Um, last week I had to sell my DVD collection to buy diapers for the baby.” That did it. LOL.

This paycheck friday will be the first paycheck in over five years that I won’t have to give any of it to my daughter. And yeah I’m kinda happy about that, but also kinda sad. Don’t feel needed so much anymore. Empty nest is finally kicking in now, I reckon.

I guess I’m progressing in my spiritual development. It’s funny - I have old friends checking up on me with that, and when I tell them I’m going to start RCIA classes in August - they’re really surprised. They thought I was born Catholic! Maybe I’ve always given off a Catholic vibe, or maybe my mother had me secretly baptised when I was a baby. I wouldn’t put it past her - she was always one to hedge her bets.

Right now, though, I’m just concentrating on “moving back into the fold” - there’s so much I missed over the years, so much I haven’t learned, or learned and forgotten. So I’m watching a lot of EWTN.

One thing I don’t like so much about the Catholic Church, is how they like to tell other people who to vote for, and what political issues Catholics should be against. If you want me to believe in something - convince me of why I should, convince me of why I shouldn’t vote for this person. Don’t just tell me.

Take the whole abortion thing.

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