Old habits die hard, and when you’re an ex-pro-Dominatrix, recently turned Christian, one has a lot of thinking to do, when it comes to what one can, and can not, do any longer.

A friend of mine is such a critter, and she and I have some….. interesting….. conversations. We’ll call her Joy. Because, well, besides for the fact she likes to kick men in the balls, she is a joy.

The other day Joy says to me: ” ‘K’ wants to come over for some ball-busting.”

I blink. I blink again. Commence rapid eyelid blinking.

“He wants you to kick him in the balls?” I ask, almost afraid of the answer.

“Yup.”

“And just how many times do you kick him in the balls?”

“Oh, that depends, fifty, sometimes a hundred or more.” My jaw drops. “But you know? I just don’t know if I’m supposed to be doing that anymore, since I’m a practicing Christian and all now,” says Joy. “It’s not like we’re going to have sex or nothin, all I’m gonna do is kick him in the nuts.”

“I see your delimma,” I reply, nodding somberly. “But you know Joy, I don’t recall anything taught in Sunday School that says a woman can’t kick a man in the balls, especially if he wants her to.”

“Yeah, I know,” sighs Joy. “I probably won’t tell my preacher, though.”

“Naw, that probably wouldn’t be a good idea,” says I.

See what I mean, when I say it’s tough trying to figure stuff out about what we can and can’t do, now? There’s your perfect example. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing in the Bible about ball-busting, nor do I think the Pope is going to come out with any proclamation on the matter anytime soon, either.

I’ve never busted a man’s balls before, and I’m pretty sure that’s something I’ll never do. On purpose, anyway. Accidently, you just never know. But there are lots of other things I do, that there are no clear-cut answers for whether or not I should do them.

Now if you listen to the priests, the only thing you’re supposed to do before marriage -is kiss and hug warmly. That’s sweet. But I doubt I could ever be that saintly.

I really *get* where they’re coming from, though. Sex is powerful stuff, man. It can lift us up or it can smash us down. And I can see where some might think that busting a man’s balls would cause him harm.

“An it harm none, do what thou wilt,” is part of the Wiccan Rede many pagans will recognize. It’s actually very similar to the vow I took when I became a nurse - “Above all else, do no harm.” I hurt people everyday, it’s part of my job as a nurse. I stick their fingers with a needle to check their blood sugars; I stick them in the arm to give them shots; I shove various tubes up various orifices; I painfully flex their fingers out so their hand will fit into handsplints after a stroke. Hell it could be said that being a sadist is part of my job description. What I do doesn’t harm them; if I didn’t do it, then I would cause harm.

But ya know - sexually speaking - some of us are just hard-wired differently than others. We enjoy busting people’s balls, or enjoy getting our balls busted. And while busting our balls certainly hurts - it doesn’t harm. In fact, I’ve heard time and again how being submissive makes a submissive feel free; free to be themselves. It’s what submissives need, it’s what they crave. It’s what gets their motor running. Likewise, releasing the inner sadist - within reason - is likewise freeing. Ya gotta be cruel to be kind, in some instances.

So I think, in deciding the tough questions, we should just use some good old-fashioned common sense. Are we harming anyone, including ourselves? Do we care about the person we’re with? Do we have a relationship with them, would we be able to stop ourselves if we realized we were harming the other? Is it consentual? If the answer is yes - then go for it.

I may be wrong, but I don’t think Jesus is hanging around like ceiling cat, peeking into our bedrooms to see what we’re doing.

Oh great. Now I’ve got to get THAT vision out of my head!