So, you’re probably wondering, why I was so stupid to get involved with married men to begin with.

It’s simple. I love sex. Kinky sex, vanilla sex, it doesn’t matter, I think sex is one of the most sacred gifts God gave us, right after life itself. And I enjoy the hell out of it. Not in a “sexual addiction” way, kinda way, by the way. I can give it up when the need arises; heck I was celibate for two years after my divorce, and haven’t had sex this time around since the beginning of July.

I never intended to date married men. In fact I was quite vocal about not ever becoming involved with married men right after my divorce. Marraige was the hardest relationship I had ever been involved with, and I sure did not want to take any part in making anyone’s marraige any more difficult than it already was. And I didn’t become involved with any married men, for many years.

But a couple of the men I became involved with, who were “seperated,” lied to me, and as it turned out - they weren’t seperated at all, but still lived with their wives, fully married. And then I had a couple of very good, single prospects who drove me absolutely batshit crazy with their indecisiveness and assholey-ness. The last one got me so pissed off that I decided - ok - next man who contacts me, I’ll take on as a lover, just to treat HIM like crap.

Welcome to MM#1 - tom. But ya know, scheduling is a bear when you’re trying to meet up with a married man, and he knew my seeing him once every three months or so, just wasn’t going to do it for me, so he encouraged me to find another lover. Enter, MM#2. But even with MM#2, I still wasn’t getting sex any more frequently than every 6 weeks or so, so - enter MM#3. At least he was single when I first started chatting with him. He didn’t bother to tell me he’d gotten married before he slept with me, though.

I was finally getting enough sex, but it wasn’t deep down, emotionally satisfying sex.

Even so, even with the bad experiences I’ve had with the married men, and even tho I’ve converted back to Christianity, doesn’t mean that I’m still not tempted. And whoo boy, was I ever tempted.

We’ll call MM#4 - michael. He and I have been chatting online for ummm. 2 years now. Nice jewish man, pilot, flies big planes for a big airline. Now he could have come to meet me, at any point in those two years, and I would have most likely slept with him. To be honest I would have been happy for another. But, he never managed, and never really acted that interested in meeting me, until I became unavailable. That’s when he started coming out with the big guns, hitting on me hard, until finally I relented. Sure, come visit me after your skiing trip to the Alps. Bring me back swiss chocolate. And the whole time he was gone - I regretted telling him that. Knew I would have a helluva time getting myself out of THAT predicament.

This is where I get to say:”Ya’ll ain’t gonna believe this shit.”

While cute little Michael was out skiing in the Alps, he broke his leg in three places. Been skiing his whole life - never broke a bone. A month before he’s supposed to come see ME, he breaks his leg.

Now while I do appreciate Divine Intervention, I feel bad that he had to break his legs in order to make SURE he didn’t come see me.

So it’s been nine months, and eighteen days since I’ve had sex - not that I’m counting. And yeah it’s hard to go this long without sex. I even have my own little prayer for it.

Dear Baby Jesus,¹

If You want me to wait until I get married to have sex again, then please send me a half-way decent man to marry sometime soon before I go absolutely apeshit.

Your ever faithful servant, Janet.

Amen.

Not that I really want to get married again. If I had my druthers, I really wouldn’t. To be honest tho, the most satisfying sex I ever had was when I was married. Not so much because he was such a good lover, just because it was so familiar, and comfortable. Didn’t have the thrill of an orgy, no, but then again - I’ve been to an orgy before, and they’re not all they’re cracked up to be.

Most of the time when you’re MARRIED to someone, you can be pretty sure they care about you. That they worry about you, that they’ll be there in the morning when you wake up, and be there at night when you fall asleep. You can be pretty sure that you have someone on your side, and ya know, I think married people forget how important that is, sometimes.

So, I’m leaving it in His hands. If I’m supposed to have sex again (please please pretty please with whipped cream on top, Blessed Mary Ever Virgin, intervene on my behalf), I’m sure He’ll provide me with a good man to do it with.

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Sheesh, He sure is taking a long time. You’d think He has to go Bolivia to find one, or something.