Today in my e-box, I found spam from St. Theresa.

Well, it wasn’t REALLY St. Theresa, it was my friend “Dee” - who, having been once a Catholic herself and got over it to become a Reclaiming Witch, is still….. kinda Catholic.

I literally laughed out loud when I got it, though. It was chain mail! “You are 1 of my 11, don’t open this until you can respond!”

Now I don’t believe in chain mail, but you know, when SAINTS are involved, it does kinda give you pause.

Did I send it on to “11 people who won’t hate me if I forward this” “11 people who have touched my life?” Well of course I did. It’s St. Theresa, fer cryin out loud! And you know, I want to see what “good thing” happens to me in four days. Remind me to look for it in case I ferget, ok?

Besides, the message in it was a good one. Had her prayer in there and everything. You want to read it, don’t you? Sure, I knew you did! OK, well here ya go. Photo-shopped roses and all. It’s behind a cut to save those who’d really, rather not.

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There’s been one gentleman that I have chatted online with, for years. Let’s call him… David.

David’s a pilot, and flies for one of the major airlines. David’s one of the sweetest, kinkiest, sexiest men I’ve had the pleasure to chat with. David’s Jewish, and also - very married.

Several months ago, that wouldn’t have made any difference to me. Now that I’m all Christian and trying to be good and converting to Catholicism and everything, David’s pulling his hair out.

“Sorry hon,” I told him. “You could have had me years ago, but ya threw me down. I already fell in love with another Jewish guy.”

“I know! I know! don’t rub it in,” says he.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t keep trying to get into my skirt, on occasion. If I were to be completely honest, I would have to say that sure, a part of me does enjoy it. It is nice to be desired, after all.

But would I actually go further than just being flattered by it?
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Well I survived the 21st, without a single nervous breakdown. That’s not from anything I did, by the way, but with the help of my girlfriends, who took me out to lunch for some of the most fabulous sushi I’ve ever had.

The old saying is true: men may come and go, but girlfriends last forever. Women need to recognize and honor each other in our friendships. But you know, male friends play an important part to women, too.

During the year my husband and I were separated, I owned a sailboat, aptly named - “Survivor.” My elder brother owned one while I was growing up, and I wanted one, too. Now I didn’t know jack shit about sailing, but my brothers-in-law did. On good weekends we’d take her out, with my brothers in law, my sisters, my daughter, neice and nephew, going nowhere really, just sailing for the love of being on the water, with dolphins weaving in and out of the wake caused from the boat.

Between the cries of the sea gulls, and the incessant whine of my child asking “Are we there yet? can’t we get a power boat? I’m hungry. What did you bring to eat?” - I found a sense of peace, during a most tumultuous time in my life.

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Current Mood: Sad

Most of the time, I’m a pretty strong, independant woman, happy-go-lucky even. My life just bee-bops along, and there’s a light buzz to the day; buzz buzz, get up and get coffee, buzz buzz, go to work and play; buzz buzz, come home and chill, buzz buzz, hang out with friends.

But there’s one day out of the year when all that comes to a screeching halt, and I turn into a blubbering mass of angst, curled up into a fetal position, hidden away in a closet somewhere. Well, not literally, but it sure feels like that’s where I belong.

That day, is my wedding anniversary - May 21.

Had we stayed married, this year would have been our 25th. As it stands now, we’ll have been divorced 12 years.

You would think, after twelve years, I wouldn’t even remember it. But, it’s kind of a hard date to forget - it’s the day before my birthday. I got married when I was 21, on May 21st, the day before my 22nd birthday on May 22nd.

(Note to all those figuring out a date for a wedding - don’t choose one near your birthday. While it’s rather nifty while you’re married, should you ever divorce, it’s a constant reminder of a failed marriage, and just ruins your birthday forever and ever)

And you know, it’s not like I went into the marriage with rose-colored glasses on. In fact I was calmer than my bridesmaids - what’s the big deal? I told them. If it doesn’t work out, we’d just get a divorce, right? No biggie.

But yeah - it is a biggie.

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I wonder sometimes, why I enjoy watching the Daily Mass as much as I do. After all, sitting comfortably on my sofa, I’m not able to partake in the Eucharist, I’m not able to meet my neighbors, I’m not able to chat with the priest after.

I think the reason why I enjoy it so much, is because it’s so different.

Let’s face it. Most people just aren’t spiritual, let alone religious. And we rarely see evidence of people who are, on TV. So it’s reassuring to me, to see people pray. People who are sincerely praying. How wonderful is that?

I’m also learning a lot when I listen to the homilies the priests give. Although I was raised Christian, received all the proper training, one tends to forget, when one is no longer practicing. So I’m learning, too.

Every now and then, I’ll leave the channel on EWTN, just to see what else they have. On Mondays, they have a program called “The Journey Home” about people who convert to Catholicism. Last Monday, they had an Anglican priest, Fr. Peter Geldard. An Anglican priest who had become a Catholic priest, and took his congregation with him.

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Well, it’s official. Rome has come out and said, it’s ok if you believe in Aliens.

Somewhere up in heaven, my mother’s UFO detector is going off in glee.

See, I grew up in a home where “Fate” magazines strewed the living room coffee table. Mom was a BIG believer in UFO’s, even to the point of making (or rather, making dad make for her) her very own UFO detector, straight from the blue prints out of the magazine. Big ol honking battery needed to get it to work, too.

My brothers delighted in sneaking into my parent’s bedroom at night, just to set it off. Got their asses beat for it to, if I recall correctly. It didn’t stop them.

I’ve never been a big believer in aliens from outer space visiting us here on Earth, but I do believe in Unidentified Flying Objects - I’ve seen one myself. I was in the sixth grade, and we were waiting outside in line at school - waiting to go back into our classroom. But above the treeline, oh probably 300 yards away, ever so slowly and ever so silently, flew your classic, silver, cigar-shaped flying object. All of us saw it. But of course, by the time the teacher came out, it was gone.

Now my dad was a pilot, and I’d been around airplanes all my life. I knew what an airplane looked like, sounded like, what it could and could not do. That was no airplane. What was it? Heck if I know.

Like I said, I’m not a big believer in aliens visiting us, but my sisters are. And after my divorce, many years ago, they decided I needed to get out of the house for awhile, and took me to a UFO convention, in Gulf Breeze, Florida, where a bunch of UFO sightings took place.

I’m sure having three military bases nearby had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with those sightings.

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I hate, with the firey passion of a hundred-thousand suns, scary movies.

Yes, I know that makes me the only person on the planet who does, and boy did I ever have to hide that fact when I was pagan. It’s like a pre-requisite to become a pagan, or something. “Must Love ‘Halloween’.”

But the way I look at it, the world is a scary enough place without having to go to a theatre to make your asshole clamp shut. On purpose. You want scary? Turn on CNN.

It all goes back to my childhood, I’m sure. Although it is usually a topic that is just too difficult to talk about *stifles sob* - I’ll try and suck it up, just for you.

“Bambi” was playing at the local theatre, and my baby sister and I wanted to go see it. Well, we could, our parents said, as long as we went with our older sister, who was going to the double feature that Saturday afternoon. A double feature that included “Frankenstein” as the other biling.

What sadist paired “Frankenstein” with “Bambi” for a Saturday afternoon feature, I’ll never know. It’s not as if “Bambi” wasn’t scary enough, what with Bambi’s mom dying and all. Oh no. Let’s scare the wee little bairns with a tall green man with screws in his head, who likes to stalk women in their bedrooms. Holy crap. It’s amazing any woman would sleep with any man, after seeing that movie. For two years, my baby sister would be terrified of getting any dirt under her nails; she was scared she was turning into Frankenstein!

So, after having the bejeebus scared out of me that day, I’ve rather avoided seeing scary movies. It’s no surprise I never managed to see “The Exorcist.” Lawd, the previews were enough to give me nightmares. Actually, I take that back - I’ve probably seen the whole movie, in bits and pieces, here and there. Never in one sitting, though.

I do know about dealing with demons, however. (more…)

Earthquakes in China. Cyclones in Burma. Wildfires in Florida. Tornados in the midwest. Explosions in Jaipur. War in the Middle East. Having a day off and watching CNN is enough to raise your blood pressure.

One thing that surprises me the most about converting to Christianity, is the sense of inner peace I have. It’s something that is associated most I think, with Buddhism; that sense of calm amidst a swirling chaos.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of chaos and disasters in my personal life; at times it’s been overwhelming. When you’re pagan, you search for so many ways to “fix it” - spells, talismans, feng shui’ing your living quarters, teas, astrology, divinations, cleansings, purifications, shieldings, wardings, anything and everything we can think to do to make things better.

But ya know what? most of the time - those things don’t really help at all. At most, they’re pallative bandaids, at worst, they make things worse.

Now I’m a self-admitted control freak; I enjoy being in control of a situation, I’m a natural leader, and I’m good at it. When I was pagan, I was always running around, tweaking this part of my life, diminishing this, promoting that. Since I’ve become a Christian? not so much!

The difference, I think, comes from the accepting of my submission to God.
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… and coffee, because I know that’s where my mom is, and she wouldn’t have gone if there wasn’t any. I can see her now, up there plotting and smoking and laughing at me!

I had a good mom. She raised all five of us while dad went to work; the only time she worked, was when I decided I wanted to go to a private school. And then, it was only part-time, and she made SURE she was always home when we were.

It would be nice if it was possible to do so these days, but sadly it’s next to impossible. With the cost of gas, you almost need a three income family - not a two!

One thing they don’t tell you when you become a mom, is how much guilt you feel over things - over just about everything. You put them to bed too early - you put them to bed too late. You buy them too much, you can’t buy them what they need. You feel guilty for getting a divorce, you feel guilty for staying and fighting all the time.

There’s not much “win” in being a mom. Being a mom (well, a PARENT) is a HARD job, and one we don’t ever really appreciate until we become parents ourselves.

And yet, there are those few choice moments, when it’s all worthwhile - when that crying baby, finally falls asleep, and feels so good nuzzled under your chin. When your teenager, laughs with you. When your adult daughter, tells you that you’ve always been a good mom, and offers to cook YOU dinner tonight.

What a wonderful feeling.

Happy Mother’s Day!

This is directed to “Helen” or “JamieLynn” or whatever you happen to be calling yourself, these days. All the rest of you can read along, for shits and giggles. “Helen” posted this comment, recently on my blog here “Who’s lm?” - in reference to a meme post I did on mydungeonspace.com., where I said I adored lm, and he adored me. When I asked her “huh? where do you see that?” she replied with:

First of all, I can pretty much tell you that God is not present in a group that is dancing around naked and doing things immorally. Nor does He bless coveting another woman’s husband which seemingly you have made a career of. Your viewpoint sadly is completely warped. Lastly, I’m not sure where you can claim to be Christian when you are actively involved in websites that are nothing to do with living a Christian life.

Now I don’t know where “Helen” is getting her information from, but it’s erroneous. She seems to think that “lm” is someone else - some married someone else, whom I assure you, is not the case. “Im” is an online friend of mine, who is single, and lives on another continent.

Helen, I want you to know I looked up your IP address, that I get everytime you post a comment or visit here, and ran it through our software on MDS. I know you’re the same woman who kept visiting my profile on MDS, the same time all this mess with MM#2, went down. Interestingly enough, the IP address also shows an address down in south florida, which is where MM#2’s “girlfriend” is from.

Following along with me so far? Good. Oh yes. We’re dealing with MM#2’s “girlfriend” here. Hi.

How ironic is it, that someone who will stalk me across the internet, has a PROFILE on MDS, harasses and insults me, who attempted to blackmail MM#2 and bullied him into near suicide - still has the balls to preach to me about not living a Christian life? Who feels she is smart enough to know WHERE God goes?

How hypocritical is it, that she condemns me for adultery, when she has done the same thing, herself? Even worse, because she was married herself! (more…)