I’ve pretty much avoided reading new age philosophy books for most of my adult life, mostly because the fluffy-bunny-sing-kumbaya-feel!-good!-goddammit! smarm just makes me feel like someone shoved a garden hose up my ass and gave me a white light enema.

But my momma did raise me right, so when my sister gave me such a tome for my birthday, complete with the recommendation from Oprah’s Book Club and herself of “It SAVED my LIFE!” I just ooohed and ahhed and thanked her profusely, promising to read it as soon as I finished the book I was working on.

Well, finishing said book came and went, and my birthday present kept staring up at me from the spare sofa, where I had thrown it as soon as I got home that day. So, I started taking it to work, to try and read it during my lunch break.

It’s been slow going. I dunno if it’s because I’m getting older and just don’t have the patience for flowery language anymore (get!-to!-the!-point!-goddamit!) but I’m not able to get through more than a page a day without too much pain.

But today, I actually found something I can USE. And it was about sin. Figures, doesn’t it?

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Have you ever noticed how, when you need to learn a lesson about something, that point will be driven home time and time again, until you fucking get it?

Yes, yes I see you have.

Whether you believe that cosmic 2×4 is delivered by “God” or “The Universe” or “The Great Cosmic Dustbunny in the Sky,” is really irrelevant. When we have a life lesson to learn, we’ll get hints, reminders,  outright lectures, or one painful experience after another until we have learned it.

Such is what has happened to me, recently.

A couple of days ago, I experienced an incident at work. One of my co-workers, a lady I relieve from the 11-7 shift, literally - tried to set me up to take a fall. It was nothing serious, but without saying anything to me about it, she brought it to the attention of out boss, who pretty much reemed me a new asshole for it. Why did she do this? I have no idea. She’s a new nurse, working nights, and I’ve never had issue with her before. The only thing I could figure out is she wanted me to get pissed so I’d quit and she could slide into a nice day position.

I was able to prove later, without a shadow of a doubt - that she was completely wrong in her accusations, and that should have been the end of that. But it wasn’t. What did I do instead?

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See a Huge Moon Illusion Wednesday

“As the full moon rises this Wednesday evening, June 18, many people will be tricked into thinking it’s unusually large.

“The moon illusion, as it’s known, is a trick in our minds that makes the moon seem bigger when it’s near the horizon. The effect is most pronounced at full moon. Many people swear it’s real, suggesting that perhaps Earth’s atmosphere magnifies the moon.”

This should be fun. I might drag my POS camera out and try and get a shot of it. I’d rather one of yous with REAL cameras would try, tho!

I’m just plum wore OUT. When does this “energy burst from working out” kick in??

Vitamins. Maybe I need vitamins.

So I am reading the book “Eat, Pray, Love” and I made it to the last third of the book, when she’s in Bali. And I had to laugh when I read the part where the woman’s checking out her knee joint, wiggling it around, and said (to the effect) “You must not be having sex.” how did she know the woman wasn’t having sex? The joint was “dry.” Said, sex LUBRICATES the joints. EVERYBODY needs sex. So! Maybe that’s what’s REALLY wrong with my knee. It needs sex!

So, it’s Father’s Day, and as my dad has passed, there’s not much I can do for him besides say a prayer, which is what I did. I also sent my ex-husband some mayhaw jelly, via our daughter, to wish him a Happy Father’s Day.

But while I was watching the mass on EWTN this morning, I saw something that brought me to tears.

There was a woman there, who looked very much like my mother. Or rather, how my mother looked when she was in her fifties. Same auburn hair color, same hair cut, same profile, she even walked like my mother, and wore the same type of dress my mother would wear.

This woman who looked like my mother, walked up to the priest and received communion, and that’s what brought me to tears.

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St. Patrick’s Breastplate - a Lorica

I ARISE TODAY through a mighty strength, the invocation of the
Trinity, through belief in the Threeness, through confession
of the Oneness of the Creator of creation.
I arise today through the strength of Christ with His Baptism,
through the strength of His Crucifixion with His Burial
through the strength of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
through the strength of His descent for the Judgment of Doom.

I arise today through the strength of the love of Cherubim
in obedience of Angels, in the service of the Archangels,
in hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
in prayers of Patriarchs, in predictions of Prophets,
in preachings of Apostles, in faiths of Confessors,
in innocence of Holy Virgins, in deeds of righteous men.

I arise today, through the strength of Heaven:
light of Sun, brilliance of Moon, splendour of Fire,
speed of Lightning, swiftness of Wind, depth of Sea,
stability of Earth, firmness of Rock.

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Larry said something to me the other day that struck a nerve.

We were discussing a particular photo he took, and he wanted to know why I like his photos, why I think they turn out well. I said it was because he has a passion for his work; he said no, it was because of discipline. He also said, if I ever want to get good at photography, I’d better learn how to be disciplined.

I realized, after that conversation - I’m not really good at discipline. Oh sure there are somethings I’m very disciplined about, my work being one, but when it comes to my private life - not so much so!

And I started wondering - why is that?
well….
I work hard, everyday. When I come home I just want to pamper myself. Everyday.

But there’s a very slight difference between pampering yourself, and feeling sorry for yourself. Pamper parties quickly turn into pity parties. And I’ve been living a pity party.

So what’s the answer to pulling out of a pity party? Of actually achieving what you want to achieve? Of actually doing something with your life?

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me1: I am MAD!

me2: why are you mad?

me1: I dunno.

me2: Sure you do.

me1: yeah, I know.

me2: wanna talk about it?

me1: not particularly.

me2: oh, come on, you’ll feel better.

me1: Goddamn mutherfucking sumbitch!

me2: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

me1: CELIBACY SUCKS, THAT’S WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME.

me2: oh.

me1: YEAH. “OH.”

me2: well, whatcha gonna do about it?

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Well, I just came back from a Tridentine (Latin) mass. I’m reaaaally really tired - had to get up at 3 am to get to work by 5 am so I could leave early to attend the 2 pm mass - so I probably won’t make much sense. In addition, I’m still integrating a lot of it, too. So here’s first impressions.

I had difficulty keeping up of course, not so much because I couldn’t read the latin, but because it was a low mass, the missal was for the high mass, so some parts were skipped.

The mass itself -
interesting
powerful
humbling

I can honestly say, it’s the first time I’ve ever felt that Christ really was present in the Eucharist. That accounts for a good deal of the humbling part.

But there was also something else…. (more…)