me1: I am MAD!

me2: why are you mad?

me1: I dunno.

me2: Sure you do.

me1: yeah, I know.

me2: wanna talk about it?

me1: not particularly.

me2: oh, come on, you’ll feel better.

me1: Goddamn mutherfucking sumbitch!

me2: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

me1: CELIBACY SUCKS, THAT’S WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME.

me2: oh.

me1: YEAH. “OH.”

me2: well, whatcha gonna do about it?

(more…)

… or are you just happy to see me?

So it’s Beltaine, and I’m missing the whole frolicing-nekkid- in-the-woods for the first time in many a year. Which would be a bit of a bummer, except for the fact that it was an absolutely gorgeous day today, and well, Jesus makes up for a whole lot of frolicing.

But I think I may have hit a snag in this whole “converting to Catholic” thing. Houston, we have a problem.

I was re-reading the book, “Catholicism for Dummies” last night, and I read this quote:

The Sixth Commandment forbids the actual, physical act of having immoral sexual activity, specifically adultery, which is sex with someone else’s spouse or a spouse cheating on their partner. But this commandment also includes fornication, which is sex between unmarried people, prostititution, pornography, homosexual activity, masterbation, group sex, rape, incest, pedophilia, bestiality, and necrophilia, and the Ninth Commandment forbids the intentional desire and longing for immoral sexuality.

Oh, NO, they did NOT just put adultery and masterbation on the same level as pedophilia, rape, incest and bestiality. WTF are they THINKING? I think everyone agrees those are bad things. But they’re not in the Ten Commandments.

And they want me to give up my vibrator? Are they fucking NUTS?

(more…)